Overwhelming feeling of signing my life away...

A few days ago I texted my loan guy about the where we were at for our loan. He finally texted me back and asked me for a few other forms and then sent me an e-mail with a MILLION forms for me to sign and date. Then on top of that, his assistant sent me some other forms for me to print and sign. Plus! I have an online corse I have to take in order to qualify for the First Time Buyers Program. I seriously feel like I'm signing my life away for this loan..

I'm not going to lie, I feel nervous..and anxious...and way overwhelmed. I feel like I need a lawyer to help me understand the jargon and tell me exactly what I'm signing.

Thus far, this buying a house thing has been going very smooth. I haven't felt like I was drowning in paper work and I have only had like...two disappointments. Which is pretty good for me because I do have very high expectations for my home! Especially the location.

My life has been crazy for the last few months...really ever since I moved to the Space Coast with Joseph. In Pensacola, our life was so easy and fun. All we have are responsibilities.  So these papers just threw my anxiety up to the roof.

I found myself pacing around my apartment and I felt like crawling out of my skin. No one should feel this way. So, I grabbed my book and Honey Belle and stepped out into the Florida sun!

Mother nature has a way of healing the heart. The sun shines positive vibes. The wind brings happy spirits. 

She is the best therapist!

The book that I am reading is by a few of my biggest role models. Chip and Joanna Gains from the show Fixer Upper. They are so inspirational. They remind me of Joseph and myself in many  different ways and it is so eye opening to see where they started. It gives me hope that maybe one day we will be happy and successful just like them.

In-between the chapters, I would stop and think my own goals and my own relationship. I would look around and see this shitty apartment complex and I just thought to myself this is not where I am meant to be. I have always envisioned myself is a place with character and space to grow. Not a cookie cutter, glorified apartment complex.

I feel like I have always had a wall built around me. I don't know when I started to build it but if I'd have to guess, it'd be when my dad got sick. I think I never found my inner-self or confidence. I never opened myself to anyone. I have always had a negative view on my body and face and voice. Sadly, that is extremely common in this society. While reading The Magnolia Story, I see Joanna as a confident and loving woman. Someone I aspire to be. 

They both seem to truly love one anther. They accept each others flaws and corkiness. They seem to communicate their dreams and ambitions together. They don't put each other down... I especially need to focus on uplifting my better half.  

We do have one thing in common... 

When we fight, we find a solution and grow closer every time.