Overwhelming feeling of signing my life away...

A few days ago I texted my loan guy about the where we were at for our loan. He finally texted me back and asked me for a few other forms and then sent me an e-mail with a MILLION forms for me to sign and date. Then on top of that, his assistant sent me some other forms for me to print and sign. Plus! I have an online corse I have to take in order to qualify for the First Time Buyers Program. I seriously feel like I'm signing my life away for this loan..

I'm not going to lie, I feel nervous..and anxious...and way overwhelmed. I feel like I need a lawyer to help me understand the jargon and tell me exactly what I'm signing.

Thus far, this buying a house thing has been going very smooth. I haven't felt like I was drowning in paper work and I have only had like...two disappointments. Which is pretty good for me because I do have very high expectations for my home! Especially the location.

My life has been crazy for the last few months...really ever since I moved to the Space Coast with Joseph. In Pensacola, our life was so easy and fun. All we have are responsibilities.  So these papers just threw my anxiety up to the roof.

I found myself pacing around my apartment and I felt like crawling out of my skin. No one should feel this way. So, I grabbed my book and Honey Belle and stepped out into the Florida sun!

Mother nature has a way of healing the heart. The sun shines positive vibes. The wind brings happy spirits. 

She is the best therapist!

The book that I am reading is by a few of my biggest role models. Chip and Joanna Gains from the show Fixer Upper. They are so inspirational. They remind me of Joseph and myself in many  different ways and it is so eye opening to see where they started. It gives me hope that maybe one day we will be happy and successful just like them.

In-between the chapters, I would stop and think my own goals and my own relationship. I would look around and see this shitty apartment complex and I just thought to myself this is not where I am meant to be. I have always envisioned myself is a place with character and space to grow. Not a cookie cutter, glorified apartment complex.

I feel like I have always had a wall built around me. I don't know when I started to build it but if I'd have to guess, it'd be when my dad got sick. I think I never found my inner-self or confidence. I never opened myself to anyone. I have always had a negative view on my body and face and voice. Sadly, that is extremely common in this society. While reading The Magnolia Story, I see Joanna as a confident and loving woman. Someone I aspire to be. 

They both seem to truly love one anther. They accept each others flaws and corkiness. They seem to communicate their dreams and ambitions together. They don't put each other down... I especially need to focus on uplifting my better half.  

We do have one thing in common... 

When we fight, we find a solution and grow closer every time. 

Why are we buying a home?

So I think Joseph and I's hunt for our first home is over!

We went to Disney to celebrate the seller accepting our offer. (By the way, if you live in Florida, getting an annual pass is the best. We truly took advantage of it and got so much out of it!)

Anyways! Back to our house and the reasons we have decided to buy instead of rent.

We are paying for someone else's mortgage 

Yes...Sadly that is the case in most renting situations. Jojo and I would rather be paying towards our own home than someone else's property...or profit. Although it is much more responsibility and possibly more money in the long run, at least we'll have our property.

We have no control over our surroundings 

We live in a condominium where we have neighbors on both sides of us, in front of us, and above us. They are literally all around. We can not handle it. We need our space and we need a yard for our puppers. On top of all that, if we make any changes to the inside of our condo we could be penalized! Even a simple thing like painting...even though if we moved out right now our land lord would immediately paint and put in new carpet. 

We are feeling very trapped inside this condo. We have a very small screened in back porch with a door. So a few months ago when we moved it, we thought it was a great idea to put a little walk way down so we wouldn't get our feet dirty and it would just over make our porch looks so much better. 

Joseph, being the wonderful handy man he is, did a fantastic job with the walk way. He even put in a few flowers and lights. 

As he was putting the rocks into place one afternoon, the grounds keeper walked by and commented how great it looked...so we thought we were in the clear! Yay! We can enjoy having a beautiful back entrance to our condo!....NOPE.

The next day we got a (very passive-aggressive) letter saying we were not aloud to change the "common ground". 

I'm sorry but I do not consider the walk way from our back door to the sidewalk a common area for others. If I saw someone hanging out right behind my condo, I'd call 911. 

There are MANY other details to this whole ordeal but I won't bore you. Although the association manager trying to tell me that our back door isn't meant to be used as an entrance or exit was pretty entertaining!

I am very pale

Yes! This is a good reason. Before Jojo and I moved into a condo we were outside everyday! Gardening, hiking, kayaking, going on bike rides, barbecuing, and so much more. But now I look like a ghost. I have lost all my muscles and Joseph is struggling to lose the weight he's gained (which is not much!). We need a home with a big back yard to get back to all the things we loved so much in Pensacola, FL.

Joseph and Jon @ Pensacola Beach

 

Yard sale treasures

A few weeks ago my family and I went to a few yard sales and found this adorable little table.

Sorry for the blurry photo!

It needed some love: The feet had water damage and it needed to be painted! It was so plain. 

I wish I took some more photos of the feet because a few of them were falling apart and needed some wood filler.

Step one: Wood filler

I needed to fill the feet with "plastic wood".

I first had to clean with a damp cloth and make sure it was completely dry before I started.

I used a flexible putty knife and just filled the bottom of each foot.

Don't worry if it looks bad because in 24 hours when it's completely dry you'll sand it down to look like a normal foot again.

Step two: Sanding

This part is super important if you want your table or whatever piece to take the pain/stain the why you want. 

I just used a medium sanding sheet and sanded all parts of my table.

Step three: Stain

I had a pretty specific vision for my flower. I wanted a colored stain for the top and a rich brown stand for the bottom.

These are the two I decided on. 

Step four: Finishing (optional)

Using a finishing protective spray is smart so that your product is not easily damaged...

I am not smart so I didn't do this to the table...yet. I do plan on it though.

Heres my finished product! She's so cute. I couldn't be happier with how it turned out!

I sure this isn't the best way to do a project like this and certainly not the only way but I'm super proud of it! Hope everyone enjoyed!

Madalynn 1st birthday party

Hello all!

So this past weekend I was asked to photograph a 1 year old birthday party. Kids are so fun to take photos of...their skin is so perfect and they don't pay any attention to my camera, haha.

But because they don't care about me, I get the most honest emotions. I especially loved this one.
I try my very best to be a fly on the wall because of moments like this.

Days like this I start to rethink why I am not pursuing this career a little more aggressively. I guess it is because in retail if a person doesn't like an item in the store I don't take it personally. As an artist, the hardest thing for me is to be confident and take criticism with open arms.
My editing skills are not amazing and I need to work on taking less photos and concentrate on each individual frame. But sometimes I get lucky...